So Much For Prayers
by KeepSaying
Summary: About holding on and letting go. Remi and Roman pre!wipe (like, exactly before they wiped her memories). One-Shot.


**A/N:** I'm awful, I know. I'm supposed to be writing Tasha and Reade and I end up with Remi and Roman. There's also a teeny tiny blink-and-you'll-miss-it reference to the Pirate King universe because I couldn't resist it. I'm missing my favorite siblings dream team!

* * *

He was standing in the doorframe, simply watching her and thinking. She hadn't noticed him yet or at least hadn't moved from the window to face him. Her hands were playing with her long black locks absentmindedly and he doubted she even realized the faraway look displayed on her face that he could see reflected in the glass.

It was already dark outside, the sun barely having shown her face at all today, but for the last hour she had peeked out from behind the grey clouds, as if to remind them how beautiful this world was beside the destruction they encountered on a daily basis. The orange- kissed sky hadn't changed anything, though. He knew that and he knew his sister knew it, too.

Clearing his throat quietly, to announce his presence, he took a step forward, entering the room.

"I was wondering how long you were going to keep standing there." He heard her quiet voice as she turned around, giving him the tiniest hint of a smile.

He didn't reply, instead kept watching her intently, "Your hair is different."

Remi nodded, wrapping a strand of her unruly hair around her index finger, "I didn't see a reason to straighten them. They're going to come off today anyway."

"So this is it?", he asked her, trying to conceal his doubts and the lump in his throat that always thickened when he thought about what was going to happen tonight. But this was his sister he was talking to and of course she picked up on the subtle vibes and threw him a strange look. It was her way of empathizing and he was grateful for the one person who knew him like this. As of yet.

"It feels like I'm losing you", he whispered finally after they had just looked at each other and he hated how weak he sounded. He hated being this powerless and needing her to comfort him when he should be the one comforting her. His sister had always been stronger than he was and it was her, taking a step forward to put a hand on his arm.

With a quiet but determined and certain voice she said, "You are not going to lose me. You and I, we're blood." She emphasized her words by squeezing his biceps and maybe it was the lightbulb in the otherwise dark room playing tricks on him but he could've sworn that there were tears glistening in her eyes.

"We are family and we will always find our way back to each other", she continued and as always he felt himself nod listening to her. "The sacrifice I'm making, I'm making for this country and our cause but, most importantly, I'm making it for you."

He felt her soft hands cupping his cheek gently and his eyes fluttered close at the familiar soothing touch.

"I never wanted this life for us. I always wanted you to grow up to be a happy child, to have dreams and I wanted you to have the possibility to become everything you wanted to be. Even a pirate king", she added with a chuckle and automatically his mind went back to this one day in Japan when he had been able to play for about five minutes.

But his mind didn't stop there, it never let him cling to the easy days in their lives and so the memories of their sanguinary mission a few days later soon took over his thoughts and he felt the shift in his sister too, remembering the same days. They really were the same.

"But that's not what life had planned for us", she continued, barely containing the anger from her eyes from spilling into her voice, "That's not what this country stands for anymore. It doesn't protect children like you and I used to be. It only hurts the weakest of us and we need to stop that. We can't let them go on like that because if we do, we're just as responsible. I have to do this for all children out there."

"Avery."

The name slipped out of his mouth before he could stop it and was now hanging over them like a huge cloud that sucked all the life out of the room. He had said it as softly as he had always said it because it was one of the children's futures they were fighting for – the most important future. Still, he wished he hadn't said it, hadn't put into words what she was thinking too, because her eyes looked haunted once again.

"You can never mention her to me once I forget", she insisted and, really, she was begging him. It was excruciating. This was his sister, she never begged, never pleaded and still, she was standing in front of him, still touching his cheek and her green eyes did just that.

He nodded after a moment – after all, what else could he do? He would always follow her and always give her what she wanted, he owed her that. Reaching into his pocket, he carefully took out his single most valuable possession and weighed it in his hand, looking up at his sister who seemed to be just as entranced by the small coin.

"I can't give you the coin either, can I?"

She didn't answer but instead lowered her hand from his face to his hand and took the golden piece from him. Ever so gently her fingers moved over the letters on the scuffed metal until she closed her fist around the coin, closing her eyes in a tiny moment of weakness she usually never let anyone see.

"No", she then said, her voice almost breaking at the syllable and abruptly her whole demeanor changed and she put the coin back into his palm, closing his fingers around it. "Hold on to it for me, will you?"

Of course he would. He would do everything in his power to protect the coin and to protect her, which was why letting her go physically hurt him. Again she seemed to pick up at his distress and gave him a curt nod, followed by a smile – an inside joke.

"I will see you at the other side of all this", she said just as he heard footsteps coming closer, presumably to take her to the basement to start the treatment and following a sudden impulse he stepped forward and put his arms around her small form.

The connection resembled more of a lifeline than a hug, but she returned it fiercely nonetheless. He felt her hands grabbing his shirt, her nails digging into his skin and her hot tears on his chest. She never cried. Never. But she did now and she let him see it and as terrified as he was, he also felt significantly special because of it.

"We're Remi and Roman", he whispered into her hair, tears now brimming in his eyes again, "We're family and we're blood. We'll find each other again."

Then he let her go and tried to hold onto the hope of her returning home to him quickly, as easily as he could hold on to the coin in his hand.

And even though he had never believed in God, when he held the bag containing her in his arms, about to deliver her into a new life to complete her old one, he said a prayer. It was an old Afrikaans prayer that haunted his dreams every so often – the last relict of his biological mother who had whispered it to him back then.

It was a prayer for safe journey and quick return home and even though it would turn out to be neither, it was this prayer and the hope associated with it that gave him the strength to let her go because he would see her again.

They were Remi and Roman after all.


End file.
